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Kiki: ***EEEK!*** (Min startles Kiki just as she's gotten herself entangled in the PSPuny; Kiki leaps around the dormroom, with the PSPuny smacking around after her...) <*wap*> <*smack*> <**crash!**> <*bap*> <*smack*> -- <*crack*> <*wap*> <*bap*> Min (into the phone): OK I'll give the phone to Gwynn. -- Gwynn (into the phone): Riff, not a good time! Kiki got tangled up in the PSPuny's handstrap and ran off. *My F-R photo shoot is ruined.* I haven't saved since /last week!.../ What? ... You want to put a little monster to sleep? -- Gwynn (into the phone): You could try a fireplace poker; I'll get back to you on how that works out! /*KIKI!!!!*/ Min: Where'd you get that? I don't have a fireplace!?! | Flag | ||||
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-- (Bun-Bun has his switchblade drawn; Zoë's eyes are wide with fear, and she's holding her hands up trying to back away from the bunny) Torg: **WAIT!* What's going on here?* -- Zoë: *Bun-Bun mailed Kiki to Alaska!* Torg: **BAD BUNNY!** -- (Bun-Bun knocks Torg through a wall) <**WHAM!**> -- (Torg's head crashes through bathroom tile and out the other side of the wall) <**CRASH!**> -- Gwynn (naked - in the shower): **GRRRR!** -- (Gwynn beats Torg silly with her loofah) <Wham! Wham! WHAM Wham Wham Wham! Wham Wham!> -- (The four are now at Crystal's; Gwynn is glaring at Torg while sipping her drink; Torg is bandaged up with a silly grin on his face; Zoë looks like she's in mild shock) Bun-Bun: Kinda nice to have you back, Nerdboy. | Flag | ||||
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=== (Zoë, having just changed back to human form from her camel form grabs a table cloth to cover up while the other restaurant patrons stare in shock) (From the 04.08.01 comic) --- Bun-Bun: Game called on account of naked chick. - Torg (holding out a bouquet of flowers to Oasis): For you! - (Oasis shoves Torg's head under water) <***Sploosh***> (From the 09.22.99 and 09.23.99 comics) --- Torg (in his emergency pants): Time to have a word with Gwynn and that rabbit. Riff (his privates hidden by a gaggle of chicks): Right after I get a change of clothes. <**peep** **peep** **peep** *peep*> (From the 04.19.02 comic) --- Riff: You think she'll be back? Torg: No, but she sure was naked. Riff: Yes Torg, she sure was. - Sasha (using a floatie to cover her breasts and stuffed animals to cover her privates): I think she might be back for her glasses. Torg (trying on Gwynn's glasses): Good God, your floatie is /*huge!*/ Kiki: I made some jambalaya behind the couch! (From the 04.21.02 comic) --- <***CRASH***> (Torg's head crashes through the bathroom tiles) -- Gwynn (naked in the shower): ***EEE*** (From the 02.20.00 comic) | Flag | ||||
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Caption: DO-IT-YOUR-SELF SLUGGY FREELANCE ACTION FIGURES OF /ACTION!/ Caption: TODAY'S FEATURE: Classic NC Gwynn & Classic 'Date' Gwynn! --- Instructions: BORING STUFF OF /ACTION!/ *How do you download Sluggy Pawnz? FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!* /But here are some guidelines.../ Right click on the Pawnz you want and select 'Save Image As'. Remember where you put it. *How do you print Sluggy Pawnz? FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!* /But here are some guidelines.../ Double click the jpg file you downloaded. Choose file>print from whatever program opens it up. The jpg has the image at 100 dpi, meaning an average sized Pawnz will be approximately 1.25" tall once printed and folded. Print on good cardstock that works with your printer! *How do you make Sluggy Pawnz? FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!* /But here are some guidelines.../ Apply glue where it makes sense. Fold where it makes sense. It should look like the photo when done. It helps to score lightly with an x-acto on edges you will fold. If you don't know what "scoring with an x-acto" means, /don't do it,/ Be on the lookout for guide doodles. --- **Tip of the Day:** Make your own Baseball-Bat Pawnz accessory and keep it handy. --- The Sluggy Pawnz printout: (A cartoon sketch of the pawnz next to the actual Pawnzes [transcriber's note: or however you pluralize Pawnz] includes the caption: "fold hair under & glue to FACE") Footnote: SLUGGY PAWNZ™ Classic GWYNN™ www.sluggy.com © Pete Abrams, 2011. All rights reserved. === NOTE: I decided to run two Gwynns because some like her better with glasses and some without! The two versions here are Gwynn from the _North Carolina Nag's Head vacation_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/19980628>, and the outfit _Gwynn wore on her first date with Riff_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/19980111>, and again for '_Keg Party of Five_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/19981115>'. | Flag | ||||
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=== Zoë: Cindy, I know this is important to you, but I /*am*/ going to go swimming. Gwynn (aka Cindy): You act like you don't believe me! *It's dangerous out there!* -- Zoë: Well... Gwynn (aka Cindy): I'm /telling you,/ last time I went swimming a salmon got tangled up in my bathing suit and dragged me out to sea! /I nearly drowned!/ -- Zoë: That was a fluke. Gwynn (aka Cindy): Well it *looked like a salmon* to *me,* and you're missing the point! === NOTE: Ref: _First Partially Sluggy Week_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20031110> | _Second Partially Sluggy Week_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/120305> | _Origin of today's 'Clip Art'_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/19980701>. | Flag | ||||
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Tweetyjerkjerk: I'll evacuate all the remaining black-ops elves and the casino staff. Izzy: I'll announce the close of the casino. Pest control and fumigation. "Be back soon!" -- Izzy: We're evacutating [sic; should be "evacuating"]. How's Aylee, Surjrydocdoc? Surjrydocdoc: With her alien physiology, it's impossible to say but she seems to be barely holding on. | I know this. She can't be moved and I can't help her alone. -- (Izzy looks sad and contemplative) -- </Flashback> Medic: He *can't* be /*MOVED!*/ He'll /*bleed*/ to death! Minion Master/Anthony: You go, Izzy. This is my fault. Only one of us has to die. Izzy (holding Anthony's hand): I didn't fight this long to give up on you, brother. Sign above Anthony's bed: + Wash your hands! Anthony's phone: <musical note> *Ring!* <musical note> <musical note> *Ring!* <musical note> </End flashback> -- Izzy (looking determined): You won't be alone. -- Izzy (looking guiltily embarrassed): Tweetyjerkjerk will stay with you! -- Izzy: I'll check in from a more secure location real soon now. Gotta-go-by. Tweetyjerkjerk: Wow, and they call /me/ jerkjerk. -- Gwynn (inside another room at the casino headquarters; as Izzy walks by): This is a stupid plan, Zoë. This is /*crazy.*/ Zoë (doing something on her phone): Sending me to help you get Brian Rammer's DNA from Sharron Gall... /*That*/ was a stupid plan. -- Gwynn (holding onto CappyBo (Captain Botanical); Bun-Bun looking on): That was to keep us "out of their way" and you know it. Zoë: They were trying to keep us safe. And now Torg and Riff are in trouble. -- Gwynn (angrily): They're *always* in trouble! *Have you even /met them?!?/* === NOTE: Ref: Brother (_1_ <http://archives.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=20101207>) (_2_ <http://archives.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=20160212>) | _Zoë called in_ <http://archives.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=20171018> | _Rammer Plan_ <http://archives.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=20170703>. | Flag | ||||
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--- <***POP!***> <***fsssh***> Frog (being released from the powered down mini-mech by Bun-Bun): (*)GASp!(*) -- Frog: Finally letting me out? Well the bathroom is filthy, the craft services, non-existent, and I *couldn't breathe!!!* <Poing> <Poing> -- Bun-Bun: You've been in there for hours. If there wasn't air being circulated you'd be dead. Frog: Oh I don't see your medical degree, *do I?* -- Bun-Bun (menacing): Yeah but there might have been some slight asphyxiation as I'm not sure you realize /who you're talking to./ -- Frog (sweating): Oh /Bun-Bun!/ Quite right, sorry, /Bun-'ol-boy,/ I'm bent out of shape and taking it out on the wrong person. Where is Riff? -- Bun-Bun: That closed occult bookstore? The gang is in the back room getting the lowdown on how to fight demons. Frog: Terrific. I shall go give him a piece of my mind. Bun-Bun: Give him the asphyxiated part, you don't need it anymore. -- Frog: I tell you this, I am having the worst day of *anyone.* <****POING!****> -- The Bug (to a naked Gwynn, wrapped in paper tentacles): We are ~VERY~ disappointed in you, Gwynn. === NOTE: 'Last Seen-ish' Refs: _Gwynn_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=73#2022-07-15> | _Frog_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=73#2022-06-16>. | Flag | ||||
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Gwynn: Riff said you went last week! Torg: Wanted to but she was on vacation last week. Riff: */*THIS*/ IS YOUR "MAGIC FLAP?" A PLAIN OLD CAT-DOOR?* -- <Poing> Torg: No, Riff! I invented a *Kiki-door!* Now Kiki can come and go from the backyard at will! Riff (pointing at a giant hole in the outer wall of the house): Do you /really/ think that's an issue, Torg? -- Torg: Will be when I get that hole fixed. Plus, come with me into the yard. -- Torg: See, you know how sometimes Kiki doesn't want to come in? This is where the magic happens. --- <CLICK> (Torg presses a button on a remote) - <WHIRRRRR> --- Magic Flap (flags and streamers pop out; singing): <musical note> *... SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE HOLDING HANDS...* <musical note> <musical note> -- Magic Flap (singing): <musical note> <musical note> *...SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE LAUGHING...* <musical note> <Poing PoingPOINGPoing> -- Torg: Instant ferret-shock! (Kiki poings into Torg's arms and faints) <faint!> -- Torg: It plays an assortment of mp3's in conjunction with a kaleidoscope algorithm. Where's the spare remote so Riff can play with it? -- Kiki (crawling out of a flap in the back of Torg's head with a remote): *Here it is,* under your head-flap! -- Zoë (popping out of the front of Torg's pants holding a battery pack, while Kiki crawls back under the head flap): I've got the batteries for it! --- <*hop hop hop*> (Torg's bottom half is now a kangaroo, with Zoë happily riding in the kangaroo pouch, and Kiki still squirming half in, half out of the flap in the back of his head) Gwynn: Great invention, you flappy-headed floppy-head! </End dream sequence> - Riff: **GEYAAAH!** --- Zoë: Riff got rid of your magic-flap-Kiki-door just like that? Torg (snobbily pouting): He's just jealous that I'm a cool inventor now too!... Gwynn (holding up a box that says "Magic flap | Cat door"): I guess that means you "invented" some new way to open this box? Torg: ...But I'm adult enough to put this all behind us. (Torg and Zoë are sitting at the kitchen table -- Torg's mug has the pun demon on it.) | Flag | ||||
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A holiday song parody of *"Baby It's Cold Outside"* written by Pete Abrams, and is yet more proof that he must be stopped or at least get more naps. "Baby It's Cold Outside" was written by Frank Loesser and published in 1948. Originally performed by Betty Garrent and Red Skelton in the film "Neptune's Daughter." This parody was written to the tempo and wording of the version sung by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Jordan. Grab some spiked squishynog and enjoy. ------------- Do not sing this aloud with your friends for risk of public ridicule, but if you must, Torg's lines are in green, and Riff's lines are in red. ------------- (Torg is holding a mug of beer in one hand, an open can of pâté in the other; he's wearing a Christmas-tree T-shirt and looks like he's about to throw up; Riff looks on, worried) ------------- Torg: It hurts in my tummy, eh? Riff: What did you eat last night? Torg: The pain won't go 'wayyy Riff: What did you eat last night? Torg: ugh! Duck Pâté from this tin! Riff: The pâté-vindaloo made by Gwynn? Torg: Served over rice Riff: With pickled crab cakes, you had them twice. Torg: The Expiration date has me worried Riff: The duck pâté she curried? Torg: I might make a mess on the floor Riff: Listen to your tummy roar Torg: So really I'd better scurry Riff: To the bathroom! Hurry! Torg: Well Maybe just a-half-a drink more Riff: Dude pull up YouToob while I pour ------------- (Torg is holding a nearly-empty mug of beer; a cord goes from inside his throat to Riff's Pineapple computer. On the computer screen: YouToob | "Inside Torg" | <rated one star> | Views: 349,711 | Text comments... | LIVE (below a picture of a swirling redness) ------------- Torg: Say, what's in this drink Riff: I slipped a webcam in there. Torg: See what the neighbors think Riff: Torg? it's bad in there. Torg: My YouToob views... WOW! Riff: Your guts look like borscht now Torg: What do the text-comments tell? Riff: One wrote "did you eat a box of jagged shells?" Torg: Zoom the cam a little bit closer Riff: We want this video "safe for work", sir. Torg: The internet's useless but we tried Riff: You just hurt the internet's pride. Torg: I need an M.R.A. Riff: "Magnetic Resonance Angiography!" Torg and Riff (simultaneous): Because it hurts inside ------------- (Torg now has a jacket on and a Christmas hat, warding off Riff with his hands; Riff is playing with a rather intimidating-looking device, the "Stomach Sucker 3000"; Torg is looking decidedly green...) ------------- Torg: To the doctor I go Riff: Just give this stomach pump a try! Torg: The answer is no Riff: Just give this stomach pump a try! Torg: It's sharp on the end Riff: I found this pump in my old project bin. Torg: It'll cause me harm Riff: It's made from tractor-parts from a farm. Torg: Bun-bun would be less vicious Riff: Why are you so suspicious? Torg: Your last invention blew up Al Gore Riff: I just global-warmed-him some more Torg: It looks so malicious Riff: You thought Gwynn's cooking was delicious Torg: Well that just proves I need to think more Riff: aw. This needs batteries. Aw! There's no open store! ------------- (Torg lying down, looking miserable, while Riff leans over him) ------------- Torg: Chills to my toes Riff: There's no help to see out there! Torg: The doctor is closed Riff: It's Christmas Eve out there! Torg: You've really been grand Riff: Don't start talkin' like that, man! Torg: But don't you see Riff: Don't you go up and die on me! Torg: text my friends "Torg's funeral's tomorrow" Riff: Giving me at least an hour of sorrow Torg: I'll watch from heaven noting who cried Riff: If you caught "Gwynn's Cooking" and died Torg: I really can't stay Riff: You'll pull through no doubt Torg and Riff (simultaneous): Because it hurts inside ------------- (Torg farts) <***TOOT***> -- Torg (looking normal and happy): Oh! It was just gas. Riff: Well all right then. Merry Christmas! Torg: Happy Hanukkah! ------------- Torg and Riff: **BECAUSE IT HURRRRRRTS INNNN /SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE/** === NOTE: Today's "Winter Holiday 2008 (and some 09) Random Extravaganza!" is brought to you by ME! Suffer! (I think it's better to play the _music_ <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkCzGzqikUA> along side of the text, but that's just me.) Alternate Spelling Tag: Chanukah | Flag | ||||
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Pastor_Al: thats uncaled for! LadyGoddahaveit: Cybersex! Cybersex! Cybersex! Cybersex! Bababooie: PastorAl is kewl! GooeyDude: MegaBabe is a mega babe! SamSein: Anybody looking for a blind date? MegaBabe549: Oh you cutie! XOXOX :) Bababooie: (:(=) What about me, boff? Pastor_Al: This is supposed to be a chat group about religeous discussion! Doesn't anyone want to talk about that? Dosen't anyone want to SAY SOMETHING??? PASTOR_AL HAS BEEN KICKED AND BANNED FROM #RELIGION_DEBATE SamSein: BTW:LOL :)BRB LadyGoddahaveit: Anyone up for partying, MegaB? GooeyDude: ;) === Torg: Hey, guess what? I got a date! Sam fixed me up with a friend he met on the internet. Her name is _Megababe549,_ and she is a smart, funny voluptuous.... Riff: A blind date with someone from the internet? -- Torg: What, you think she's going to turn out to be a homicidal maniac? Riff: I'm still working on the "she" part. -- Zoë: Hey guys! What's the game plan for tonight? Riff: I got a date with *Gwynn!* Zoë: My friend from work? -- Riff: Yeah, we were talking a bit at the party. We're going out for food and a movie. Torg: And I got a date with a blonde bombshell! -- Zoë: Errr... Aah... ... I got a date too! Torg: Really? With who? -- Zoë: Coors... Corrrr... *Corey!* A new guy at work! Zoë's Imaginary Riff: I checked, there is no "Corey" working there. Zoë's Imaginary Zoë: Um... He works under the table. -- Zoë's Imaginary Torg: Hey, I want to meet Corey! Want to double-date? Zoë's Imaginary Zoë: He's... shy. - Zoë's Imaginary Sam: You got a picture of him? Zoë's Imaginary Zoë: They were stolen! -- Zoë (thinking): Why did I just lie? Now I have to keep up this charade! I'm stuck in Jan-Brady-Sitcom-Hell! -- Riff: Well, have fun, Zoë! I gotta pick up Gwynn! Torg: I gotta get ready! -- Zoë: It's a good thing nobody gives a crap or that could have been humiliating. -- Bun-Bun: Hey Zoë, I got a date too. Her name is "A1 Steak Sauce!" Zoë: *Oh, go to hell!* | Flag | ||||
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(Scene of two empty lemonade stands; one stand has a sign up top that says: "Kent's Lemon Yummies | Featuring the Lemon Ladies" followed by two lemons with a smiley face on the top lemon, and "$1.00"; the sign on the stand itself says "Lemon Yummies' | Lemonade | $1.00"; on the other side of the tree is a simple lemonade stand with a sign that says "Lemonade $2.00") -- Caption: This week: (The two lemonade stands are now decked out Trump Hotel/Casinos; but no larger than the original lemonade stands; the first says "Trump Hotel Casino West of Tree", the second says "Trump Hotel Casino East of Tree") 'West of Tree' has two small puzzled creatures -- possibly mice -- sitting in front of it: ? ? 'East of Tree' has one small puzzled creature sitting in front of it: ? 'East of Tree' has one small creature riding in its tiny glass elevator: eek! -- (By the window of the apartment) Torg (entangled in a folded up lawn chair): *Darn cheap lawn chairs!* Riff (laying back in a lawn chair and holding on to a PS2 controller with the connection running through the window): Playing PS2 in the back yard ain't as good an idea as I originally thought, as the TV's inside. -- Riff: Still managing to kick Gwynn's butt at /Soul Calibur 2/ though! Gwynn (shaking a fist out the window): *You're cheating! You gotta be!* -- Zoë (walking up with a sledgehammer): "Avoid having your console sledgehammered" tax! (Torg, now completely folded up into the lawn chair forks over a few dollar bills) -- Zoë (walking away with the sledgehammer and money): A pleasure doing business with you! -- Torg (struggling to get out of the lawn chair): That's ...ug... all the money we made off ...ouf... of selling the business to Kent. We're back to square ...ack... one. -- Riff (reaching into his wallet and pulling out a card): I was really saving this for a last resort, but we're still broke and out of time. -- Riff (looking at the card while pain, hurt and swear symbols emanate from the space next to him): I was given this number from someone back in Hereti-Corp in case I was interested in extra freelance work. -- Torg (back to completely folded up in the lawn chair): /**HERETI-CORP?!?**/ Riff: Relax, Torg. This is an outside player. Still I doubt this work is going to be clean or pretty. (close up of card says: Hooliman Enterprises | "Ain't clean or pretty" | Attn: Joey | 323 Bagodonuts Rd | Back Alley, NJ 07312) -- (Riff and Torg are sitting in front of a desk; black semi-curly hair is seen poking up over the back of the chair, along with a swirl of smoke; on the desk there is an ashtray on one side and on the other there is a box with a red button on top that says "Kill Switch") Mr. Middleman: Ah, Riff, and... Torg, is it? I'm *Mr. Middleman.* Welcome to our little enterprise. Torg: What is this enterprise about? All Riff told me is it wasn't selling Girl Scout cookies. -- Mr. Middleman: Oh no. No-no-no. However later this week I may have you take care of some Girl Scouts who are muscling in on my daughter's territory. But that would be a personal favor to me. -- Torg: Awfully nice of you to offer babysitting to your daughter's competition! Riff: Torg! Shhhhhh! Mr. Middleman: You'll be working for me as freelance problem solvers. Here's your first mission. It's a doozey, but if you can handle this one, you'll be *in.* Not that you have an option of being /"out"/ now. -- (Close up of Mr. Middleman's hand flicking cigar ash into the ashtray. His knuckles are tatooed: D E D and his index finger ring is the :P emoticon, but with crosses for eyes) Mr. Middleman: You're going to see to it someone takes a little "dirt-nap". -- Riff: Torg, I think we're in trouble. Torg (with an extra nervous forced grin): I'm just going to keep pretending he means giving some wealthy babe a moisturizing mud-bath! | Flag | ||||
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Gwynn: Riff, I can't take this much longer! Why won't you look at me? *Stop* walling me *out!* (Riff, in a jester's hat, is building a brick wall) -- (Back in his storage space, Riff is holding a section of robot) Riff: The robot is fully armored in heat-treated, triple-folded titanium. It can resist high-powered artillery blasts or a point-blank Senate ethics committee hearing. -- Torg: Is that enough to be demon proof? Riff: Well, I'm hoping any demon won't get close enough! Besides the multiple firearms, missiles, demon-blasters, and spike weaponry, this baby is also packing the latest incarnation of my Omnitaser Supreme! Extending tendrils make it a ranged attack. <**TZ-Z-Z-Z-ZT!**> -- Torg: Did you find a way to modulate the power level, so it's not as dangerous? Riff: Hell no! Torg: Excellent! What's this? -- Riff: When activated, it quickly cycles through every holy symbol of every major religion in case the demon has weaknesses to one. SFX: *WOH-SHRT* FLICKETY FLICKETY FLICKETY -- Torg: It stopped on Ricky Martin! Riff: It's totally random but I swear it has favorites. -- Torg: What's the ball and chain do? Riff: Well, the robot can shoot or swing the ball into the air and try to catch it back in the cup. Y'know, in case the robot gets bored waiting for the demon. -- (Torg contemplates the ball and chain.) -- Torg: That *rules!* Can we play it manually? Riff: Torg, it's not a toy! Torg: Hey, I just noticed all the large circular holes in the ceiling. Riff: Well it /is/ a toy. But it's not as easy as it looks. -- Torg: I see you've also armed it with the Dimensional Flux Agitator. I guess that would make it a quick battle, to just blast the demon into some random dimension. -- Riff: Torg, I can't release a demon of Kizke's power on some random, possibly defenseless, unsuspecting dimension. But it can be used creatively; such as to zap the ground under the demon, or as an emergency escape device for the pilot. Torg: /*Pilot?*/ I thought this was a robot! -- Riff: Well, yes, but I designed it to hold one or two of us for protection, and can be piloted from the inside if we have problems with the robot's artificial intelligence. It's the last major task I have to finish. -- Torg: How much time do you need on the A.I.? Riff: This is where it's at so far... <***BEEP***> <**WRRRRRRRRRRRR**> Mark V: "THE HORSE SAYS NEEEEEEEEEIGHHHHHHH!" -- Torg: You used your old /"See-'n-Say"?/ Riff: I'm working on a budget here! | Flag | ||||
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<clik> <clack> <**ZAP**> <**KAPOW**> <**ZIPPY**> <**ZOT!**> -- Torg: You can't kill Aylee and that's *final!* Riff: Fine. By the way, when I checked in on her, she was so ravaged with hunger, she ate your entire *_Sandman_* comics collection. -- Torg: Like Bun-Bun doesn't destroy my stuff too. At least Aylee is good at heart. Riff: And your *_Ranma 1/2_* comics. -- Torg: *She saved my life!* Riff: And your *_Amazing Spider-Man_* Number One. Torg: OK, hand over the gun. -- Bun-Bun (wiggling his nose): Hey Aylee, word is Riff is going to *"take you out."* Kiki: *Oooh!* On a *date?* Aylee: No, he has a date with Gwynn. -- Bun-Bun: *No,* I mean he's gonna *"plug"* you. Aylee: Why? I'm not leaking. -- Bun-Bun (grooming himself): You'll leak blood after he plugs you. Aylee (confused): Shouldn't he plug me *after* I start leaking? Kiki: Are you saying Riff is going to bandage Aylee if she starts bleeding? -- Bun-Bun (losing it): *Kiki, he's going to shoot her with a laser cannon!* Aylee: Why would he shoot me just to bandage me up afterwards? I don't get it! Kiki: I'm totally lost. -- Riff: Listen, Torg, I know you like Aylee, but think about it! If her species' instincts are to take over worlds, how long can she fight it? -- Riff: You saw her devour an entire starship crew! You saw what her kind did to an entire space station! </Flashback> (Riff remembers the battle of 9-BAB-5) </End flashback> Torg: Do you know how hard it is to find a competent secretary? -- Riff: Just remember *this!* It's *my fault* she's here. If something goes wrong, it's my responsibility to stop her. And I always live up to my responsibilities. -- Torg: Hey, didn't you have a date with Gwynn an hour ago? Riff: *Crap!* Was that *today?* | Flag | ||||
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Zoë: We've /*been through hell*/ despite wanting *no part* of /*any*/ of this! -- </Flashback> Gwynn: I found this Book that has changed my life! Look at the power I've gotten! </End flashback> -- Zoë (muttering): Except Gwynn might have wanted it a little at first... -- Zoë: In *any* case, we were *thrust into this.* But /you've/ spent your /whole life/ trying to *end the world* for /*everyone else.*/ I pity you. What kind of /pathetic/ life must you have led to think *this* is a good idea? Cynthia | Lady Tomb: /*Bwaahahaha!*/ Pity *me,* do you Stormbreaker? If you only knew the truth. -- Zoë (annoyed): My time's almost up anyway, *enlighten* me. And don't waste my time with /'Wilcott's box'./ That was the Bug's long-game scam to trick Wilcott into working against humanity's self-interest. (Cynthia/Lady Tomb magically summons a dagger) -- Cynthia | Lady Tomb: Perhaps. But the demons, some of them,... /*many of them,*/... know parts of the truth that paint the *whole picture.* If you /coerce/ them enough. Do you know the name *"Prozoato"?* -- (Zoë is stunned into concerned silence) -- Cynthia | Lady Tomb: Interesting. You have no poker face. I must go, but perhaps I shall coerce /you/ before the ritual. Do you need to use the bathroom before I tie you back up? === Note: Ref: _Flashback_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=10#1999-01-17> | _Wilcott's Box_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=65#2014-04-10> | _Prozoato_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=65#2013-05-06>. | Flag | ||||
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Donna: What's going on? Sam (cooking in the 'sunlight' from Riff's lamps): **EYYAAAAH!** <sssss> -- Riff: Thank God you two haven't been turned yet! Get behind me! Sam (trying to shield himself from the light): *This... totally... bites!* -- <**FIZZZZzle*> (The lamps fades off) Riff: Darn ancient battery pack! -- Riff: *Gwynn, there's a hand crank in the back! Turn it two thousand times! /Hurry!/* -- Creepser's Assistant (scratching foreign symbols onto the floor): Has it been long enough to ruin Kesandru's plans? <SKRITCH SKRITCH> Creepser/Landlord: We can wait no longer. And we are bound. Continue the spell. Torg (floating in mid air): *Hey! /Wait a minute!/ This has nothing to do with the rent, does it?* | Flag | ||||
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-- Torg: Snowshoes? Riff: Check. -- Torg: Parka? Riff: Check. -- Torg: Dogsled operational manual? Riff: Check. -- Torg: Polar bear repellant? Igloo-building kit? Penguin-bait, with included penguin cook-book? Riff: Check, check, and checkity-check. -- Torg: Send me back some walrus blubber? Riff: Just as soon as I get settled. -- Note from the Management: To our Alaskan Sluggites: | /*I know some of you may be troubled or even offended by Torg and Riff's misconceptions of Alaska. Just remember, they're dumb, and if anybody'd get it wrong, it'd be them.*/ So put the angry email down! | /-The Management./ -- Torg: *I'LL MISS YOU BUDDY.* Riff: I'll come back to visit sooner or later. -- Riff: Don't get mushy on me. This is why I said goodbye to Kiki at the house! Later. Torg: *"MUSHY" IS WHAT YOU SAY TO MAKE THE DOGSLED GO!* -- Zoë: I can't believe he's going to move his life that far away for a dumb job like that. I don't know why he doesn't just quit and get another job around here. Torg: I can't believe he got through the metal detector! I'm sure if Riff thought that was an option he would have... -- Torg: **OH NO!** Zoë: *What is it Torg?* Torg: *He /doesn't/ think it's an option! -- Torg: Remember when he was a freelance mad scientist for those bad guys? When he gave "Final Notice" it involved lots of heavy weaponry! Maybe he doesn't know he can quit without taking half of the employees out with him! Zoë: I'd say you're nuts, but this /*is*/ Riff we're talking about. -- Zoë: *Torg, get back here!* You can't go through Airport Security *without a ticket!* -- Torg: *Riff! Wait! You don't have to blow them up! You don't have to kill everyone! You can just quit!* -- Torg (off panel; from Airport Security's view): /...Bla, bla, bla/ *blow them up!* /Bla, bla bla,/ *kill everyone!*... -- Note from Management: /*See what I mean?* | -The Management./ -- Zoë: So Riff's off to Alaska and Torg's off to Guantanamo Bay as an enemy combatant. Gwynn: /Not/ how I pictured getting the place to ourselves! | Flag | ||||
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=== (A sketch of Zoë and Gwynn at the beach; happily cavorting in the waves) Caption: School Rumble === NOTE: So I was at a relative's house for thanksgiving keeping oven-watch over the turkey while sketching. One of my nieces watching a show called "School Rumble." I have no idea what the anime was about but the 30 seconds of the episode I saw seemed to be composed of vapid girls in bathing suits at the beach and brainless guys staring at them and fainting. Anywho it inspired me to do today's sketch of Zoë and Gwynn, and seemed a fitting cap to the week of Sam's return. | Flag | ||||
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K'Z'K, The Bug (future version of Kozoaku): You'll see. For now I need you to get as far from here as possible, and let your deadles [sic: should be "deadels"] destroy Mohkadun and this spark. Kozoaku: You're not coming? K'Z'K: I cannot wander too far since I'm actually still in Gwynn's head. Even now Gwynn and her godling cohorts are planning to ~trick~ us into their trap, but they have no idea what is coming. -- K'Z'K: Between Symachus' ambition and King Farahn's godling-slaying sword that temple is going to be a god-damned (literally) ~blood bath!~ I don't want to miss that! Kozoaku: ~OOOOH!~ -- K'Z'K: You don't get to see it. Too dangerous, past-me. ~Shoo!~ Kozoaku: I'm going, I'm going, future-me. --- Footer: end part XI | Flag | ||||
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Torg: Stage 1: We chase after the Flower Demon and his tiny horde of Rage-Husks at full speed while you case offense [sic: should be "offensive"] and defensive spells as needed! -- Panel Title: THE PLAN Panel Subtitle: STAGE 1: All terrain combat wheelbarrow (Cartoon of Torg, wearing Marco's magic speed boots and his paper pirate hat, waving a sword and pushing Gwynn, wearing a witch's hat, in the wheelbarrow while she casts spells) <zzzap> <wooosh!> -- Torg (now sitting in the wheelbarrow): Slight change in plans. Marco has little baby deer feet. Gwynn: Says the guy wearing clown shoes. Torg: *ALLONS-Y!* === NOTE: Ref: _Wheelbarrow_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/141106> | _Original Wheelbarrow Plan <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20141201>. | Flag | ||||
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Gwynn and Aylee: No. Zoë (explaining to Gwynn and Aylee): He sells weapons and crushes people's heads with his /bare hands./ Riff (angrily): And Torg gave him the plans to my Mark-19 robot. Squishydodo (to Tweetyjerkjerk): Get me what we have on the "Mark-19"! -- Torg (off panel): I did it so he could design Mark-19-based Lancers-5s to combat Hereti-Corp Mark-19-based REA-units. Riff (angrily): And how did /*that*/ workout [sic: should be "work out"]? (Tweetyjerkjerk's iPad screen shows specs of the Mark-19 with arrows to show that hC's REA-1.3 is based off of it, as is the Lancer 5 <Crushestro logo>) -- Torg: Hundreds of Lancer-5's blasted randomly throughout infinite dimensions! Think of the good they could be doing! Like maybe fighting space monsters! Or delivering meals to the elderly! -- Torg (sweating a bit): Or launching missiles at dragons? Maybe? I dunno? -- Riff (angrily): I still don't think I've forgiven you for that, Torg. Torg: Here's the point. He thinks he's the only one to make it our [sic: "our" should be deleted] out of his base unfluxed. He doesn't know Teresa escaped the mass-fluxing. And I don't think Teresa knows /*he*/ escaped the mass-fluxing. -- Torg: As far as he's concerned, he's lost /*everything,*/ especially his own true love, Teresa's sister Monicruel. He is powerful, resourceful, and desperate for revenge against Hereti-Corp. -- Torg: I also promised him that you would get Monicruel back. Riff: /**WHAT?!?**/ === NOTE: Ref: Crushestro _First Appearance_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20091015> | _Last Appearance_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/130201> _Rea-units_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/081208> | _Lancer_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/120418> _tech_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/120419> | _Lancer Elimination_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20130116> | _Dragons?_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/130204> I dunno. | Flag |
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